After many, many counselling sessions I am told that "I did the best job I knew how to do at the time". And I know this is true. She knew I loved her. But it deeply saddens me to think that I didn't hold her, tell her that I was scared too, that I loved her very much, that I would miss her and never forget her. Tell her that I was angry at some of the mistakes she made but that the good things far out-weighed the bad. That no matter what I ALWAYS knew that she loved me.
I was full of anger and in complete denial! If I could turn back time, I would do things so very, very differently.
She knows all of this, we have had this discussion many times and she understands. I am, after all, her daughter.
So I learned something, and that's always a good thing.
Missing you mum and embracing you in my love!