There are no new feelings

Last Monday  we played (netball) against a team who we had previously beaten.

 

This time they kicked our ass, they were the better team, however they played dirty and the men in the team were rough  - football field rough........................

 

Towards the end of the game the men on the team really paid out on me - my age, my ability to keep up with my opponent etc etc

 

Well shit, I just crashed and burned. I felt so bad, I was embarrassed and felt like I was dying on the inside. I was a mess and I'm OK telling you that I cried for about two hours (yes a little bit of indulgent self pity was called for).

 

After a while I realised what had happened. I'd had reopened old school yard wounds and I was feeling something I had not felt for a long time.

 

OMG I had forgotten just how bad it feels to be teased - seriously that word seems a bit limp dick considering how it makes you feel!

 

So there it is, there are no new feelings. These days I know to look back and connect - it will generally explain my reaction to something that has me reeling, but it's been a while since I have been hit with something that brought me to my knees.

 

I don't get it, I'm not sure what role I played, although I suspect my mouth may have factored into it (in some small way......).

 

I'm dreading (in advance) the next time we play them.